Wednesday, October 27, 2004
>
thoughts thoughts and more thoughts.
should i give it all up..the caring and the love and the trying..should i give it up because in the end there might be pain?
its contradicting how i want to be with him,but yet something's pulling me back.i could feel a stab of that familiar pain everytime you talk to me.the words you said to me before,they tangled with memories in my head.each lonely night and empty day seem to hack another bit of me away.youve changed,ive changed.can we go back to how we used to be.peterpan,neverland,eternal love,self created fantasies..so unreal.so darn crap.why did i make the mistake.love is not a blast of red hot fireworks that explodes in colours around you,when it dies,it leaves a cold black sky behind.nor its like that light in the cigarette that goes off after youve enjoyed that high sensation.i know that.or at least,i knew that.i didnt want to make that mistake either.but ive never expect this love to be so intense that it charred me beyond recognition.i want to be loved.everybody needs love.but everything could change in an instant,trust can be shattered,wounds cut so deeply that it bleeds forever..and you might seal your own grief in that airtight compartment that is stored faraway from your heart.i shouldnt be doing this.harden a part of me so it wouldnt hurt anymore.but when someone reaches out to me and touches that heart,i will lose it.ive done it before.five years ago..in a place where i thought love exists in a family.where i thought my brother is the best person on earth.but he fucking proved me wrong.alrite.its the past..
wells.im tired..
off the bed.
♥
1:10 am
i scribble (:
